He’s a Grin and a Frown, He’s a Skull in a Crown: My Brother the Artist Saint Down

You’re perched on the shelf wherever the last reader decided to place you, always in the miscellaneous section. Some decide you should be placed high above the other works. Others thought that eye level would be more appropriate. More often than not, you find yourself on the bottom shelf.

You are inconspicuous, quiet and observant, studious of the books around you and remembering those you’ve glided next to in the past, happy enough in whatever row you’re placed, but you long to be down below where you feel most comfortable.

You notice the library patrons, some sitting at tables perusing their chosen volumes, others searching the shelves for something to feed their curiosity. You’re often looked over, but some will notice the remnants of gold text on your spine, no longer legible.

Pulling you off the shelf, the first thing they’ll notice is your substance, giving the feeling of something sturdy and confident. They’ll see your leather cover discolored, corners tattered, and if they choose to study further, they can see that you’ve been through a journey: dropped many times, steeped in water and dirt, broken, mended—glued and sown back together. Gripping you, they’ll feel your spine is strong, no page lost.

Bruised and worn, not much is expected when opening you up, the pages sure to match the cover. But you’ll surprise. Your pages are relatively clean, aside from the slight foxing that speckles across the paper.

Each one of your pages has something different: a pressed flower, feathers, dead ants within the grooves, fine drawings of human figures and beasts from nightmares, some pages even covered with mud, sand, and drops of dried blood. Others seem to omit sound or fragrance. Some pages are stuck together; they require a delicate hand and patience to pry apart. They will continue to search your pages out of a spirit of inquiry, wanting to know what else they can find.

Through each discovery they will feel a different emotion: love, hate, fear, lust, hope, envy, joy. You will make them laugh and cry; you will make them want to hurt you, fix you, coddle you, keep you, and reject you. You will feel their grip change with every page turned. Some will search for long hours, days, and even years.

With every meeting comes a closing, but before they leave, they place something of theirs within you, a lock of hair, a smile, a kiss, a scratch, a bruise, they may yell at you and curse you, or they may thank you. It does not matter in what state they leave you, because one thing you know for sure, they will always place you back with the other books, and most likely, on the bottom shelf.

***

see no speak no hear no
the vice is yours to break
rise from the inferno
whatever it will take

***

whole and undivided
from the secret self within
as deliverance is delivered
so sin is wrought by sin